Yeah…just kidding. Of course we’re posting on our favorite holiday. Halloween has it all:
- Scared children
- Strangers
- A chance to wear drag!
- An excuse to buy a ton of candy…for the ‘children’
- A chance to be a hobo, Nick Nolte’s Mug shot, or a bear attack victim (my last three costumes).
So in honor of halloween, I’m posting photos of the most horrifingly scary liquor since Jagermeister.
Retrieved from the clutches of a Vietnamese warlord in an Ong-Bak style brawl in Hanoi by an Epic Portions contributor (Thanks Dave!!), this liquor is rumored to have a variety of medicinal and sensual benefits. Actually, he bought it for $5.
Unlike many of the other cobra/snake/scorpion whiskeys out there, this bottle contains both a Cobra AND a scorpion. That makes it a two for one deal: aphrodisiac AND old fashioned virility tonic!
Simpson and Son’s Revitalizing Tonic, a home remedy that'll put the zowsers back in your trousers.
Homer: Sir! Uh, hello sir! Yes, you look like a man who needs help
satisfying his wife. So —
[man slugs him in the face]
Ow! Oh…I guess people have some sort of *moral* objection to
our sex drug.
Abe: [grabbing bottle] Lemme sell it, you idjit.
[takes deep breath] Step right up, folks, and witness the
magnificent medicinal miracle of Simpson & Son’s patented
revitalizing toniiic.
[takes deep breath] Put some ardor in your larder with our
energizing, moisturizing, tantalizing, romanticizing, surprising,
her-prizing, revitalizing tonic.
— Abe, closet huckster, “Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy”
Yes, that’s right folks. Step right up…if you DARE!