Me and Coco aka That Guy aka co-host of the Coco and Warhammer Show went over to Bagger Dave’s for some burgers the other day. There’s one right down the street from our work and I had never been, despite hearing mostly good things.  Apparently this location is one of three, with all of them being Michigan based.  A guy who owns a bunch of Buffalo Wild Wings decided he wanted to open a gourmet burger joint in Berkely a few years ago with the hopes that it would catch on and become a chain.  Not a bad idea.  With the exception of the obvious hole in the wall burger joints, Michigan lacked any kind of gourmet burger establishment until Five Guys started moving in recently.  With the two additional Bagger Dave’s locations being added since 2008, it looks like the idea is working so far.

Before I walked in I was expecting a mostly carry out based burger joint.  The place is actually more of a sit down restaurant(100+ seats) with a pretty solid(mostly local) beer selection.  There’s flat screen TVs and a mini train set that constantly runs around the top perimeter of the restaurant.  It doesn’t really have the feel of a burger joint, but it’s a comfortable, yet different, environment.

"Amazingly Delicious" Turkey Black Bean Chili

I started off with the “amazingly delicious” turkey black bean chili, mainly because of the whole “amazingly delicious” proclamation.  If you’re going to say something on your menu is that delicious, then damnit it better be.  I’m not usually a “substitute turkey for other meat” kind of guy, but like I said, the menu says amazingly delicious.  I had to put it to the test.  Gotta say, stuff is legit.  I can usually tell when things are made from turkey.  It just has a weird taste to me.  This was delicious, and had a good amount of spice.  Despite the fact that a bowl is $4.00+, I would have to recommend that you get some of this before your burger.

Create Your Own Burger

For my burger, I felt that there was no other choice for me than to create my own.  There are a many options on the actual menu, but come on.  How much fun is that?   The thin patties start out in the open kitchen at 3.5 ounces — one costs $3.29 and two $4.29 (turkey burgers are a dollar more) and come in a plain, sesame or whole wheat roll or sourdough bread. For 75 cents you can add one of six kinds of cheese, and for $1 you can add on “premium” topping of fries, fried egg, guacamole, bacon or that delicious turkey black bean chili.  Bagger Dave’s also offers 16 “meaningless free toppings” that range from ketchup and lettuce to sautéed mushrooms, Cajun spice and green peppers.

The burgers are advertised as hand-crafted from lean ground beef that is never frozen.   The burgers are all cooked medium-well, which is always troubling to me.   The result is a smaller patty that was actually a little dry for my tastes. I felt like the condiments and add ons made the burger, not the actual patty.  I feel like if you’re opening a restaurant that specializes in burgers, your patty should stand out even without a single condiment.  These didn’t.

I will say that my creation, with a hell of a lot of toppings, was absolutely delicious.  I went with a plain bun and two regular beef patties with pepper jack cheese, Santa Fe chipolte sauce, a fried egg, applewood bacon, mayo, and Cajun spice. Like I said, the beef is pretty average but the slop on top made it into a solid burger.  Check this guy out.

Not anything amazing, but pretty solid.  Expect to pay about 12 bucks per person if you’re getting a drink, fries/chili, and a burger.  A little steep for burgers and fries, you’re getting a lot more than that if you’re creating your own burger.

It’s been awhile since we last made fun of Guy Fieri.  That has been fine with me, I know his barely coherent tweets make for perfect examples of Guy’s legendary douchebaggery, but overall he is too easy of a target.  So we’ve eased up on the Guy bashing, and judging by the e-mail I’ve received, many of you are not happy about it.  Well, wait no longer my friends.  Besides, did you think I would have six posts in seven nights without one about Guy?

I was leafing through my cat’s copy of Food Network Magazine the other day (yes, my cat really does have a subscription to FN Magazine, it’s a long story) and what did I stumble upon but an advertisement for Guy Fieri’s Knuckle Sandwich Series Knives.  I kid you not, gentle reader, that is what they are called.  Sometimes truth is douchier than fiction.  Isn’t a knuckle sandwich a euphemism for a punch to the mouth?  How is that related to a knife in any way?  Oh right, it’s really lame.  Fits Guy to a “T.”

Who wouldn't want to buy a knife from this clown?

Knife sets rely almost exclusively on slick marketing.  If you purchase a high quality knife set (or like me receive one as a wedding gift) and treat them with loving care they will last a very long time.  So the only way to get someone with a perfectly good knife set to buy a new one is to market it in a way that makes it irresistible.  And judging from the gullibility of the Guy Fieri Mafia, I’m sure they are selling like spikey-haired hot cakes.

The knife set, excuse me, the Knuckle Sandwich Series Knife set, consists of four rockin’ blades.  The “Big Stick” is an all-purpose chef’s knife.  Former President Theodore Roosevelt coined the phrase, “Walk softly and carry a big stick.”  Which means that if you have massive military power, or a badass knife, you should STFU about it and not make a big spectacle of yourself.  Which pretty much should exclude Guy Fieri from being associated with it.

The Big Stick and the Dragon Dagger. I feel 23 % douchier just typing those words.

There is also a serrated knife, called the “Dragon Dagger,” which is ironically the name of the serrated knife Beowulf used to slay the dragon before suffering his own mortal wound in the eponymous epic poem (we know about all things epic here at EP).  Also, isn’t a dagger for stabbing?  Anyone need to stab a loaf of bread with a dagger?  Imagine if Guy had left one of his knives at Juliet’s side,  Shakespeare would never be the same. “O Happy Dragon Dagger,” cried Juliet, “I shall use your serrated blade to exeunt from this mortal coil.  But first I willst slice this tomato.”

The other knives include the “Lil’ Guy,” which thankfully is not the name of Guy’s penis but a paring knife.  And that is all I have to say about that.

Finally, there is the “Chopper.”  I guess whoever was in charge of coming up with edgy, Guy Fieri-esque names decided to leave early that day.  One must assume this knife is for chopping things.

We’ll be on the lookout for the next Guy Fieri endorsed products to emerge.  Hair gel, sunglasses, home pregnancy tests (if it says money, you are pregnant!), and the one I’m most looking forward to, the Guy Fieri brand sensory deprivation tank.  Enter the tank and be guaranteed of freedom from all things Guy, if only for a little while.