Bourdain vs. Deen

Randoms

In case you missed it, our hero Anthony Bourdain has been vilified in the media for daring to call out Paula Deen for being a mediocre cook who is infatuated with using too much butter in every recipe (more on that later).  Well, EP will not stand by and allow the forces of evil, represented by Paula Deen, strike at Bourdain without a rousing defense.

For starters, Bourdain’s comments came after he was asked in an interview who the worst cooks on Food Network are.  So it’s not like he was running around looking to pick a fight with Paula Deen.  After the question, he proceeded to lambaste Deen, Rachael Ray, Sandra Lee, and our favorite whipping boy, Guy Fieri.  He called Deen, “the worst, most dangerous person to America.  She revels in unholy connections with evil corporations, and she’s proud of the fact that her food is fucking bad for you.  I would think twice before telling an already obese nation that it is OK to eat food that is killing us.  Plus, her food sucks.”  As for Fieri, Bourdain said, “I look at Guy and I just think, Jesus, I’m glad that’s not me.”  Well said, maestro.

Is Paula Deen as bad as Tony says?  While he probably was a little over the top, I can’t find too much fault with what he says.  I don’t dislike Deen, but I have to admit I haven’t watched her in years.  She does shill for any corporation that offers her a check, and her food is unhealthy to extreme levels.  I also ate at her Savannah restaurant, Lady and Sons or whatever it is called, and found it pretty disappointing.  I won’t say it sucks, but much like a white musician trying to play the blues, a woman like Deen can only do so much with soul food.

A couple years ago I was charged with the task of cooking a Mother’s Day Brunch for my wife, her grandmother, my mother-in-law and sister-in-law.  Aside from killer sausage and mushroom egg casseroles, I made some cheesy hash browns and used a Deen recipe.  Even after cutting out one-half of the butter called for in the recipe, the dish came out way too buttery.  There were pools of grease throughout the dish.  I was quite pissed off at myself for getting lazy and using Deen’s recipe.  Of course, since I was cooking for a bunch of white people the dish was well received.  Deen must have some kind of magic power over any white woman over 30.  Perhaps she is the most dangerous person in America…

As for Bourdain, I know he rubs some people the wrong way.  It is certainly their right to hold that opinion, but I still love the guy for speaking his mind, calling an asshole an asshole, and generally having zero tolerance for bullshit.  I say, keep the hits coming, Tony, and to hell with your detractors.  You will always have the support of your friends at Epic Portions.

Mommy Marketing, A Rant

Rants

It’s been a while, but I’m ready to rant.  In case you are late to the party, you probably know I’m a stay at home Dad.  I deserve no accolades for taking care of my own children, nor is what I do the most important job in the world.  I wish people would spare me the condescension.  Another thing I can do without is the constant Mommy worship that goes unfettered, while Dads are usually portrayed as buffoonish, bumbling morons.  Just in case you didn’t know, there are some pretty shitty Moms out there.  Whether or not you think Casey Anthony is guilty of murder, there is evidence beyond a reasonable doubt that she was a shitty Mom.

How does this tie in to food?   I am sick the fuck of the Mom oriented food marketing that passes off as acceptable advertising.  Don Draper would be rolling over is his grave because of this shit.  Choosy Mom’s choose Jif?  Way to piss off half the population, Jif.  Choosy Dads say go fuck yourself and buy something else.  Robitussin is recommended by Dr. Mom?  Tell Dr. Mom she can prescribe me some Xanax and keep her crappy cough syrup to her self.

But today, while I was shopping at Plum Market, the worst offender was staring me right in the face—a cereal called Mom’s Best.  Mom’s Best is one of these “we save the earth” companies that get all wet and tingly because their executive washroom is powered by officiousness.  I don’t appreciate the name of their company.  Mom’s Best?  It doesn’t even properly apply to cereal…

I mean, Mom’s Best cornbread?  Sure.  Mom’s Best fried chicken?  Sign me up.  But cereal?  Does anyone have memories of their Mom making cereal?  If anyone reading this has one single memory of their Mom making cereal for the family, please let me know.  My Mom made all kinds of remarkably delicious breakfast treats.  Mom’s Best French toast, Mom’s Best omelets, Mom’s Best crispy bacon on the griddle.   Mmmmmmm, crispy bacon on the griddle…

So, while Mom’s Best may make a fine cereal, you can be damn sure that this Dad will be leaving it on the shelf.  If I want to feel smug about my cereal purchases, I’ll buy Kashi from now on.

Of course, maybe I’m looking at this from the wrong angle.  Perhaps it is time for a line of Dad’s Best products.  Dad’s Best whiskey.  Dad’s Best potato chips.  My personal favorite would be Dad’s Best Pregenancy Tests.  If the man is smiling, you aren’t pregnant.

Epic Product Reviews: Samuel Adams Coastal Wheat

Beer/Drinks

Samuel Adams and I have been friends for a long time.  We’ve hung out at weddings.  We’ve watched the big game together at a sports bar.  Sam has been there for me when an otherwise boring party or get together seemed hopeless.  While Sierra Nevada is preferable, it seems that quite often Sam is the only quality choice.  My true love is my Michigan craft beers, but Sam has been a valued friend—like a steaming mug of hot-chocolate served with melty mac and cheese, with a side of mashed potatoes and apple pie a la mode for dessert, Samuel Adams is comfort beer.

Having said all that, Samuel Adams Coastal Wheat sucks.  They tried and failed.  Miserably.  I bought a six pack over a week ago and still have four of them in my fridge.  Coastal Wheat touts itself as a hefeweizen style beer, with a subtle lemon finish.  I won’t take them to task on the lemon finish, it is present but it seems to conflict with the objectionable, yeasty, initial flavor.  Quite often in a hefewezen you can taste banana or clove, but the overall bready, yeasty mouthfeel dominated, making for quite an unpleasant drinking experience.  No other flavor stood out, other than the lemon at the end.  Overall a big thumbs down for Sam Adams Coastal Wheat.

There is no joy in trashing a beer from an otherwise fine organization.  Samuel Adams has well over a dozen beers on the market; no one person will love them all.  I’m content to check Coastal Wheat off my list and move on to the next beer.  Sam and I will make it through this rough patch, our friendship can withstand one lousy beer.  Besides, I have a wedding to go to next month and I have a good feeling Sam will be in attendance.  It wouldn’t be the same without him.

One place Sam won’t be is the Michigan Summer Beer Festival.  Be on the lookout for the Epic Portions yearly wrap up and best of list sometime next week.  Until then, stay thirsty, my friends.