Pac-Man after his disastrous eyebrow implant surgery<\/p><\/div>\n

EP: When did you first realize you had a future in eating?<\/em><\/p>\n

Pac-Man:\u00a0 I can tell you exactly when.\u00a0 I was in third grade, and one of the other kids in school had a hole in his lunch bag and dropped a trail of Cheddar Goldfish from his classroom to the cafeteria.\u00a0 I left my spot at the cafeteria table and started gobbling them up.\u00a0 People started laughing and pointing at me.\u00a0 I then began to say \u201cWaka-waka-waka\u201d while eating them and everyone just started busting out laughing.\u00a0 I was hooked.\u00a0 I was different from the other kids, I mean, most of them were not an anamorphous mouth, so this was my way of fitting in.\u00a0 Kind of like the Jewish kid at a mostly Christian school who becomes a comedian.<\/p>\n

EP:\u00a0 Did you have any idea your future would be in gaming?<\/em><\/p>\n

Pac-Man:\u00a0 Not at all.\u00a0 I was hoping to have a career in stand up, but that idiot Gallagher stole my watermelon bit, only I would eat the whole thing in one bite and then rapid-fire spit the seeds at the audience.\u00a0 Way better than smashing it, but hey, I wasn\u2019t interested in being compared to a hack like him.<\/p>\n

EP:\u00a0 Where did the idea for the video game originate?<\/em><\/p>\n

Pac-Man:\u00a0 I had hit a pretty low point.\u00a0 I was relegated to guest spots on Love Boat <\/em>and as a drug dealer on CHIPS. \u00a0<\/em>I spent my entire paycheck on blow and ended up missing the next days shooting.\u00a0 Turn out to be the best decision I ever made, I was coming down the next day and had this idea that I should forget acting and try the newest medium of entertainment.\u00a0\u00a0 Games were so lame, Space Invaders <\/em>and Pong<\/em>?\u00a0 Get real.\u00a0 Super Mario Bros. <\/em>was years away.\u00a0 There was a niche in the market for a charismatic eater, and I knew I would fit the bill.<\/p>\n

EP:\u00a0 Video games are obviously very different now, what do you think of the modern style of gaming?<\/em><\/p>\n

Pac-Man:\u00a0 I was old school.\u00a0 I was taking out ghosts while the inventers of Ghost Hunter<\/em> were a stain on their mother\u2019s panties.\u00a0 Nowadays it is all so impersonal.\u00a0 You have a gun or some other weapon.\u00a0 I had to devour an entire ghost \u2014 from its remaining life essence to its ghostly wrappings \u2014 while moving as fast as I could AND <\/em>taking care not to eat the eyes.\u00a0<\/p>\n

EP:\u00a0 Not to mention continuing to eat those wafer-pellets.<\/em><\/p>\n

Pac-Man:\u00a0 Those were the worst.\u00a0 Eating those bland wafers has ruined my palate.\u00a0 Every night I have my personal attendants break pieces of foie-gras into pellets and line them all over the house so I can gobble them up.\u00a0 I vowed a long time ago never to eat bland food again.\u00a0 I usually have an ostrich egg (raw) for breakfast, along with a ginseng infused fruit smoothie.\u00a0 Lunch is usually Sevruga caviar, shipped straight from the Caspian Sea, with toast points.\u00a0 Dinner is foie-gras, and risotto with truffles.<\/p>\n

EP:\u00a0 Changing the subject, when did things start to deteriorate with Ms. Pac-Man?<\/em><\/p>\n

Pac-Man:\u00a0 It seemed like an obvious match, right?\u00a0 I guess we were just too similar.\u00a0 That, and she turned out to be a lesbian.\u00a0 Still, I was a lousy husband and didn\u2019t blame her at all.<\/p>\n

EP:\u00a0 The tabloid rumors were pretty crazy.\u00a0\u00a0 That must have been very hard on her.<\/em><\/p>\n

Pac-Man:\u00a0 Not just her, but Pac-Man Jr. as well.\u00a0 How does a kid cope with his dad being caught at a swanky hotel with Madonna one night, and in a public bathroom with George Michael the next?\u00a0 I was out of my mind.\u00a0 After the divorce PJ [Pac-Man Junior] went on this epic eating binge.\u00a0 He was arrested after breaking into Pike Place Market in Seattle and eating the place out of salmon.\u00a0 I was sad he had come to that, but I must admit, a little proud as well.<\/p>\n

EP:\u00a0 What happened with Pac-Man: The Motion Picture?\u00a0 There was so much buzz.<\/em><\/p>\n

Pac-Man:\u00a0 Yeah, it turned out to be a huge flop.\u00a0 It goes back to the untimely death of the original director, Stanley Kubrick.\u00a0 After Kubrick died, the whole project collapsed.\u00a0 Then, all of the sudden, this German guy named Uwe Boll says he\u2019s a huge video game fan and wants to direct my film.\u00a0 So I said ok and let him take over the project, I mean, I was spent creatively.\u00a0 What a disaster.\u00a0 That guy should never be allowed near a film set again.<\/p>\n

EP:\u00a0 What\u2019s next for you?<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Pac-Man:\u00a0 I doubt I\u2019ll be in the public eye again.\u00a0 I have a standing offer to be on Dancing With the Stars, <\/em>but that show is so lame that I just can\u2019t bring myself to do it.\u00a0 I get a lot of scripts sent my way, I\u2019ll probably pick something that feels right.\u00a0 Maybe the next Saw <\/em>movie.\u00a0 Until then I\u2019m happy here and I have my charities.<\/p>\n

As our discussion wound down, the sun — a brilliant yellow disc — hovered on the horizon before being devoured by blackness.\u00a0 The metaphor was too great not to notice.\u00a0 I started to feel a little sorry for his fall from grace, but then remembered that even though the sun disappears from view it still burns brightly.\u00a0 Pac-Man had his 15 years of fame, and now seemed to be at peace with his life.\u00a0 Massive success and popularity, a high profile marriage, sex scandals (both gay and straight), and a big-budget film flop\u00a0are more than most could handle.\u00a0 And who knows, like a ghost come back to life, it isn\u2019t out of the question that he could resurface.\u00a0 Let\u2019s just hope it isn\u2019t on Dancing With the Stars.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Some celebrities have reached such an iconic state that they scarcely need an introduction.\u00a0 Pac-Man (spell it Pacman at your own peril) certainly fits that description.\u00a0 Songs have been written about him.\u00a0 A children\u2019s cartoon graced the TV airwaves.\u00a0 An infamous professional football player bears his name.\u00a0 And did I mention the award winning and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[51,8,1],"tags":[671,669,668,667,670],"class_list":{"0":"post-5378","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-funny","7":"category-randoms","8":"category-uncategorized","9":"tag-dancing-with-the-stars","10":"tag-foie-gras","11":"tag-interviews","12":"tag-pac-man","13":"tag-uwe-boll"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.epicportions.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5378","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.epicportions.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.epicportions.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.epicportions.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.epicportions.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5378"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/www.epicportions.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5378\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6144,"href":"https:\/\/www.epicportions.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5378\/revisions\/6144"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.epicportions.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5378"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.epicportions.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5378"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.epicportions.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5378"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}